Written By:Tosin Ajogbeje/Date:2021/05/30
In the previous blog, I addressed the situational factors that induce people to risk their relationship by cheating. To broaden the conversation, I spelt out the orthodox biological influences that induce both men and women to cheat. I also highlighted the one-sided argument supporting men to cheat more due to their high testosterone while demeaning women under similar circumstances.
This is not a blame game epistle, but merely a piece that examines other underlying factors that influence cheating behaviour and the lack of responsibility on both genders.
In this ever-changing world, most couples don’t understand the level of commitment needed to maintain a relationship or how to keep a marriage moving forward. Again, encouraging one gender to cheat more does no justice in keeping a faithful and healthy relationship in good working order. This is why taking ownership for one’s action is important. Doing so is a productive attempt to accept responsibility for such wrongdoing. For example, when a partner or a spouse cheats and fails to address the reason behind the affair, it might be difficult to take honest actions and rebuild the broken relationship. Taking responsibility opens the door for long-term commitment and thriving union.
And let’s not forget the exemplary Bible verse that says “Wives, submit yourselves unto your husbands and “Husbands, love your wives, even as Christ also loved the church, and gave himself for it” (Ephesians 5:22-25). Of course, the foundation of every relationship is entrusted on both parties to make it prosperous. In making a genuine effort to identify the motivating factors for cheating, couples can overcome the emotional distress that comes with it.
Understanding the conditions that may have provoked the affair will help re-establish trust and overcome the effects of cheating. Because infidelity can wreak havoc on a relationship, people need to be self-reflective and should be held accountable for their own choices. In a 2019 Psychology Today article, Dr. Theresa indicated several empirical studies that were carried out to analyze the motives behind cheating. This article pointed out that most people engage in extradyadic affairs due to various reasons. And a significant factor for cheating could be falling out of love for their stable partner. The article noted that a person could be unfaithful due to one primary reason, but a combination of reasons could also trigger infidelity. Research claims that when couples acknowledge their mistakes, it reinforces a mutual connection and builds dependability between both genders.
Given the prevalence of cheating in today’s world, we need to continue to have open conversations about the status quo. Knowing that various forms of cheating on someone exist, the struggle to promote the marital space persists. While infidelity is a factor in many divorces and damaged relationships, most people outside such relationships lose inspiration in committing to one person. Most people are inclined to living a polyamorous lifestyle today, while rejecting a monogamous way of life as a result of the surge of crushed relationships and marriage instability . Since this isn’t a subjective piece, it is important to continue the discussion on reasons, triggers and motivations that allow any form of cheating to take place.
Looking at the world, one can tell that relationships are not perfect. But changes can be made if we continue to speak about this. We could all say “human nature” is an excuse to cheat. We have instincts to know what is right or wrong and how to avoid hurting people’s feelings. We humans are flawed. However, there is always room for growth and perseverance in committing to a relationship. With that being said, there is a substantial amount of work to be done in regard to maintaining the bedrock of solid relationships. It helps to seek assistance from relationship life coaches, licensed marriage counsellors or if needed, a pastor.
But a significant part of this piece is to understand that it takes a shared desire to commit to a spouse. Supporting the idea for one gender to cheat more might slow down the process of strengthening the commitment front, including the notion of marriage. Maybe we can inspire the upcoming generation to “put some respect on commitment”.
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References
- https://www.psychologytoday.com/ca/blog/meet-catch-and-keep/201910/the-8-main-reasons-why-people-cheat
- https://www.theatlantic.com/health/archive/2012/02/the-marriage-problem-why-many-are-choosing-cohabitation-instead/252505/
-https://counseling.northwestern.edu/blog/how-to-overcome-cheating/